Face Meets Pavement

The other day, my 5 year old son’s face met the pavement. We were walking to the bus stop and I saw him going down. Despite the countless warnings of this exact scenario happening, his hands were in his pockets. While only minor road rash face injuries were sustained, he was certainly upset and required some care before heading to school. We went back home and I snuggled him and assessed what the damage was. While I did that, my 9 year old was getting his brother’s favorite blanket, pillow, and stuffed animal to provide comfort. He grabbed supplies and ran a washcloth under cold water. He applied the Band-Aids, set my little guy up cozily, and put the cold washcloth on his forehead without my help or direction. I witnessed my older son doing exactly what I have done for him so many times.

While not an especially momentous event, I reflected on it several times that day and the next. I was thankful to have had my helper and was proud of him for coming to the rescue. It made me realize not only do I love to nurture, I love to see others nurture. I felt proud that I had unknowingly been teaching him and he felt capable of coming to the emotional and physical aid of his little brother. It made me realize how this parallels to the role of postpartum doula. It’s not my objective to do it all for you. I want to educate and model for you so you can do it yourself and feel confident in the parenting journey.

When Plans Don’t Go As Planned

Prior to my first son’s birth, I read books, talked with friends, and joined parenting groups in an effort to be “prepared”. As an instinctive planner, it made sense that the transition would be better if I took steps ahead of time to gain knowledge. After experiencing a difficult delivery to a particularly challenging baby, I came to realize there’s SO much more that’s needed. I found it incredibly difficult to navigate through my entry into motherhood. I felt emotionally unprepared, lost, and so discouraged that things I thought would come “naturally” didn’t. The picture society had painted for me of those first few days, weeks, and months of parenthood was filled with omissions, filters, and half truths.

Luckily, I had some pretty incredible support people that guided me through that time. One especially notable - my mom. She would call daily and ask how the night went. Through tears, I’d tell her how rough it was, and she’d come over. She was my biggest supporter and nurturer. Although I didn’t even know what a postpartum doula was at that time, she certainly embodied so much of the emotional and practical help I now know a postpartum doula provides. There wasn’t judgement (at least that she made me aware of) and there was a heck of a lot of unwavering support. She didn’t offer up advice and “helpful tips” like I heard from some other well-intentioned friends and family that didn’t fully understand this particular baby. She validated my feelings. I attribute my success in an eventually exclusive breastfeeding relationship to her knowledge, help, and support.

Even with a great support system, there are a number of ways that I wish that first year played out differently. It would’ve come in the way of having a trusted list of specialist referrals to address the different issues our son was experiencing, a bigger push for me to care for myself, help with babywearing and education about the benefits of it, among others. I want to be able to provide those things plus the nurtured care and evidence based information to help parents feel empowered and cared for while they care for their babies. The old adage ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ absolutely applies to parents of newborns. We want what is best for our babies, and that starts with us caring for ourselves.